Chandler’s Honesty Part 3: A Rose By Any Name

Chandler’s Honesty Part 3: A Rose By Any Name

Chapter 0: The Beauty and Thorns of the White Rose

Chandler Klebs had a unicorn named Honesty who lived in his dreams. Twice before he had talked to Honesty whenever he needed a friend to talk to and no one else was available or when he had new information in his life that he wanted to share with Honesty. In 2020 Chandler entered the dream world again to talk to Honesty to tell some good news.

C: Honesty, so much has happened in the past year! I need to talk to you about some things.

H: What has happened?

C: Many good and bad things have happened, but let’s start with the good news this time.

H: Alright, so where would you like to start?

C: I have achieved many things that I thought were impossible! I got a full time job, moved to my own apartment, and finally found a doctor that did my orchiectomy! Now I am no longer in pain and doing better than ever in life in general!

H: That is good news! I knew you would be successful! You know what you want and were willing to work hard to get it.

C: I know! It still doesn’t feel like it could really be true, but it is! Oh, and one more thing, the best thing is that I have finally let people know my new name, my true name: Chastity White Rose.

H: How did you come to know this was your name? Why did you decide to tell people?

C: I like the name Chastity because it is a synonym for innocence, virginity, purity and celibacy. It’s also a name that begins with the same three first three letters of Chandler. It’s easy to see the connection. People will know both who I was and who I have become.

H: It seems to match you perfectly! But what about the White Rose? Where did that come from?

C: The White Rose is a flower that represents purity, virtue, and celibacy or chastity. It’s a symbol of love but not the kind of love that most of society thinks. It’s not a sexual love but a love like what I have for the animals. A love like Anna had for her sister Elsa in the movie Frozen. When you love somebody, you do things for them with no promise of reward just because it’s the right thing and you would want them done for you.

H: The golden rule!

C: Exactly, Honesty! That’s the point entirely. I understand love. I was only confused about it because of the lies of society who thinks love is something that requires sexual body parts. I live to represent this love and to prove that true love is not what they think it is. In fact, with the name Chastity White Rose, I am literally saying that I will be a virgin for life, and I have even proven it with surgery that makes having sex impossible. Now I am Chastity in name, mind, and body!

H: That’s great Chastity! You’ll do well to remember that!

C: Every time I see a white rose somewhere, I am reminded of who I am. I will never forget and I will not let anyone else forget it either!

H: You want people to know your purity? It’s important to you, I can tell.

C: Yes, it is very important. You see, it’s about so many things. Others should know I am not like them. I do not concern myself with the same things they value. I am not about sexual things nor do I partake in the many impurities they are concerned with. I will not be corrupted or polluted by what they do and what they wish I would do along with them.

H: Good for you. They have tried so hard to pressure you into their way of thinking. But they never succeeded. Why do you think that is?

C: Because a rose by any name still grows thorns. It will protect itself. The white rose is stronger than that. Those who want to know the real me must also deal with my pain. I have been through so much as people want to pick off my thorns and sell me as their own packaged product. But I am raw, real, nature, and life.

H: So, what you are saying is that you want people to know that who you are has been shaped by the pain you have been through, that your past experiences that we have talked about have made you strong and you have a wall of thorns to keep them out.

C: Yes. I have realized that it’s important for me to separate myself from what others want me to be and to know who my real friends are and who I cannot trust because they do not care for the real me.

H: Also, Chastity White Rose is such a girly name! That must have also played a part in the name as well. How do you currently feel about how people perceive you as male even though you have said in the past you feel female in your mind or soul?

C: You know, it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Now that I’ve had my testicles removed I feel very different. I am no longer reminded of what happened to me when I was a child because I do not get erections. Although the primary reason for having the surgery was so that I would no longer be in physical pain, there were definitely emotional benefits to it. My body much more closely matches who I feel I am.

H: That is great! So does this mean your time of gender dysphoria is at an end?

C: I believe so, but the work I want to do when it comes to challenging people’s ideas of who we are based on how someone’s body looks will never end.

H: So, are you saying that you see the real you as being separate from your body?

C: You know, I’m not so sure what to believe about it. But what I can say is that I see that all of us share the same life force. Whether we are male, female, black, white, human, pig, dog, cow, sheep, or unicorn, we are real. We are life itself.

H: You were always able to see the beauty in others, even those who you disagree with and cannot stand to be around.

C: Yes, even though I do not wish to associate myself with many others because they boss me around about how to live my life and try to drag me into their sexuality, religion, and politics, I still see myself in them. I hope for a time when these things will no longer matter and we will see the difference between what is temporary and what is eternal.

H: Eternal you say? What do you mean?

Chapter 1: The Eternal Life of the Unicorn

H: You mentioned things being temporary or eternal. How do you know the difference?

C: I see that some things change. Bodies change, feelings change, beliefs change. Change is a part of life and yet some things seem to always be the same, including change itself.

H: Would you say that you have changed since we first met?

C: Yes, I’ve changed so much. The way I look at the world has changed, my circle of friends has changed, my job has changed, and my body has changed too. I used to have testicles and now I don’t!

H: So things have changed, but is there anything about you that has remained the same?

C: Yes, although my daily life changes constantly, faster than I like, I still remain the same. I am still the vegan virgin and I still care greatly about protecting the life of the animals and the unborn, though I lack the power to do anything beyond what I am doing.

H: You wish you could do more, but what prevents you?

C: I have learned that there is not very much I can do about what others do. Instead I have looked inward at myself and tried to understand who I am and who others are. There are many labels I’ve used to define myself, but those are not the real me. Those are merely words that tell others that I am not like them and do not do the same things they do.

H: So you have become so involved with what others are instead of yourself?

C: Yes, finding my own identity is a daily challenge. The events change constantly and there is always something new happening that people get all excited about, but I do not care for temporary things anymore. Whatever happens, I have learned that this, too, shall pass.

H: You mean to say that you see the temporal nature of things and just wait for them to change?

C: Yes. You see I was so consumed during the past year and a half while I was in pain and scared to death that I was going to lose my job and health insurance before I could have my surgery. I thought of nothing else, I could enjoy nothing else, and all the panic over Covid19, the presidential election, and racism riots meant nothing to me. I was in pain and could not look beyond that. After my surgery I had much time to think and realized that so much more awaits me. I began to think about the future and wanted to concern myself with something that will last and not be gone in a few days or months.

H: You learned that life still goes on and that what seems important right now may not be so important later on. So tell me then, what are the things that you think matter forever, these eternal things of which you mentioned?

C: I believe that the truth lives on. That nothing is ever truly forgotten but will be reborn as something new. In fact I feel as if I have been born again!

H: Because you have a new life now, don’t you? What are you going to do now that you’ve finally found your freedom?

C: I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I will fight to protect what I have gained and what I have learned. There are those that threaten to take away our right to think, say, and do what we desire. There must be respect for the life of others. Not merely to be alive physically but to actually live.

H: No one is truly alive unless they are true to themselves, and you are true to yourself aren’t you, Chastity?

C: Yes, I will not be afraid for others to find out who I am. I will tell the world my story while I have the chance. I will not hide my thorns for fear of others rejecting me or firing me from my job just because they don’t like something I say or do. I will show people that the white rose is stronger than that. I know that sooner or later I will die physically depending on the actions of others outside of my control, but there will be a happy ending to this story.

H: No Chastity, there is no end to your story, because nothing ever truly ends.

Chapter 2: Time is Short

C: Yes, Honesty, nothing ever truly ends, but the one thing I fear most is that I will not get the chance to tell others my story if I don’t do it quickly?

H: Why the big rush?

C: I never know when I am going to die. I hope it is a long time from now but I also know that death can come to us when we least expect it. Wars, natural disaster, disease, and poverty are a threat to us all every day.

H: Do you fear these things?

C: No, but the one thing I do fear, is regret.

H: Is there something you regret? That you wish you had done differently?

C: Nearly everything I do is like that. I wish that I could have done things differently because I learned later that there was a better way. For example, I wish I had been vegan sooner, however I had no awareness of what was being done to the animals. After I learned, I changed.

H: But you want to tell your story to the world now because you are afraid you will die soon and not be able to?

C: Yes. Because I see that life in the world as I know it will soon end. I may lose my job because I am required by the government to wear a mask and I cannot breathe and work the way I used to. Furthermore, as long as the mask mandate continues, it would be the same anywhere even if I got a new job. The same cycle would repeat. And if a Covid vaccine is mandated I would instantly be fired from my job for not complying and would probably even go to jail just because I don’t want poison in my body and people think I’m a threat to public health because they still believe that vaccines are required to fight disease. My life as I know it could end and I would not be able to write any more books. That is why time is short and I must say what I can quickly.

H: So you are afraid of the financial ruin of never having a job again and losing the freedom to live and tell your story. And this is why you want to take this time to tell people the story of your life so that it can be remembered and learned from even if you are no longer alive.

C: Exactly. It is my way of fighting back. Society can take away my income, my home, my right to my own body, and my life. There is only one power I have left that they cannot take away.

H: And what power is that?

C: The truth. That I will tell the truth even if it costs me my life. That I will not willingly take the vaccine they will soon force on all the citizens because it is against who I am and what I believe. I cannot defeat them with money or laws because they are not my power and I am not the source of these inventions of man. But I have the truth that cuts them to the bone like a thorn whenever I speak the truth. I have lost many people I thought were friends the more I was true to myself and told people what I really think.

H: So you are planning to tell people what you want to say regardless of what it costs you personally.

C: Yes, I have nothing to lose but my life, and I was going to die someday anyway.

H: And what do you think about death. You are pro-life but willing to face death for speaking the truth. Then what does that say about your priorities?

C: What do you mean?

H: You would not lie to save your own life. Does that mean that you value the truth above life?

C: Yes. For me to live a lie would be worse than death. I cannot do it. I could not lie to save the life of myself or another.

H: And what is your greatest fear?

C: My greatest fear is that there is something that I will fail to do because I was too afraid of what others will think or how they might punish me. My greatest fear is being a coward.

H: Was there a time that you failed to do something because you were afraid?

C: No, up to this time I did things even though I was afraid. Sure, I did not do things as soon as I should have, but still, I did what I was afraid to do. I was afraid of what people would think when they found out I was an atheist. I was afraid of their reaction when they found out I was transgender, and I was afraid to join the Navy. I was afraid when I started my first job at Hy-Vee. I was afraid of starting my job at Brillient and afraid of getting fired before I could pay for my surgery. But all these things I went through. I told people the truth about me. I worked these jobs, and here I am today.

H: Fear has never held you back in the past, nor will it going forward.

C: I know it will not. And that I will do what I must do.

H: What is it you must do now?

Chapter 3: A New Goal

H: What is it you must do, besides being honest as always.

C: I want to tell people the true story of my life. Where I have been and where I am going. I want to share as much information as I can of what I have learned before I die.

H: You have already written many books and recorded many audio and video podcasts. What more beyond this do you plan to do?

C: I want to tell them about my conversations with you, Honesty. I want to tell them about the unicorn of truth who saved me from depression and suicide even when I could trust no human.

H: You believe this will help people overcome their depression and save their lives.

C: Yes, there is a chance of that. I am often sad that I do not know what to tell my friend who has often talked about ending his life. I am not always the source of hope.

H: But what is it that keeps you alive? What is it that has kept you alive all the times you wanted to end your life?

C: It is the fact that if I die, then others are free to say what they want about me and they will be believed. If I am not able to tell them about myself, the lie survives and the truth dies. The truth would lose and the lie would win.

H: And you wanted the truth to win. You did not want others to write the story for you. And so, you chose to live so they can hear it straight from the horse’s mouth!

C: Yes, I will not let the lies win. I will not let others win. As long as I am alive the game is not over. I still have a chance.

H: So it’s clear that you know what to tell your friend who has talked of killing himself.

C: Yes, do not let the bullies win. Do not let their false accusations and selfish mindset defeat you. They want the poor, the disabled, the elderly, the animals, and anyone else who does not serve them to die and they know if they say enough cruel things they can drive you to suicide. Do not let them win. Fight by living the best life you can and making yourself happy. That will drive them mad.

H: Perfect. Tell your friend that and also apply it to yourself. Remember that you must live to tell your story and you win by being true to yourself. And there is one more task I would like to ask for you to do, Chastity.

C: And what is that?

Chapter 4: Honesty’s Request

H: I want you to tell our story. In fact I want you to publish a book of it. I want you to give it to all the important people in your life. But beyond that, my request is that I want you to tell each of them what they mean to you. You have a few true friends who mean a lot to you and you don’t often tell them how much they mean to you. Why is that?

C: I often do not wish to open up to even those closest to me. After all, I still never know who I can trust. I don’t want to tell them that they are a valuable friend to me because history has shown me that those I thought were friends can soon turn into enemies as soon as they find out something about me they do not like.

H: You still don’t trust others, do you?

C: No, I don’t. Humans are much too quick to betray me as soon as they find out I don’t agree with their religion, politics, or way of living. Many of them do not even respect my veganism nor the right to choose what I do with my own body. And even those who accept one thing about me may abandon me for another thing.

H: This is why you test people greatly. It’s why you want people to know the things about you that are most likely to scare them away to protect yourself.

C: Yes. I keep my interactions with people minimal by scaring them off. I do it in many ways. I do it by telling them about my removal of my testicles or telling them who I voted for in the election. Their reaction to what I do usually results in them criticizing me and saying a bunch of things I did wrong rather than respect my decisions about what I do in life. I want people to know everything I do and why I do it so there are no surprises down the road. I don’t want people saying they love me and then changing their tune once they find out that one thing about me they don’t like.

H: You believe you will end up alone don’t you?

C: Yes, I know that I will end up alone. No one stays with me forever. They either reject me for one of the reasons I mentioned or they just find someone else that is more important and forget all about me. And of course they also die and I lose them that way.

H: You are thinking about what it will be like to lose your mother.

C: Yes, she is the only human who knows me very well because she has been with me my whole life. I think about how she will die at some point and I think about myself when I am her age. I think about how I will be old and alone and that I will not have someone who is to me what I am to her.

H: And what are you to her?

C: I am the only one child left who takes care of her and helps her in any way I can. She does not have many people in her life but she has me and knows that I will not abandon her even though she is poor, old, and not able physically to do much. But someday, when I am in her place, who will I have?

H: And you fear this loneliness, don’t you? You wish you had others who will stick by you for the rest of your life. And yet, you do not try to please others just for them to be your friends. You care about the truth even though it means being alone.

C: Yes, it is the way things must be. People don’t like the truth about me very often. I do not think they can pass all my thorns.

H: But part of telling the truth is admitting to yourself that you feel this way. There are those who love you so much that they will risk being cut by your thorns to know the real you. When that happens, you must tell them also that you love them, thorns and all. That is my request, that you tell others you love them.

C: And what if they do not love me? What if they reject me?

H: Then I say that it is because they never knew the real you. And in order to let them know the real you, you must let your feelings be known. If they do not know that you love them, then you run the risk of them thinking that you reject them, and that would be…dishonest.

C: You’re right! I never thought about it! I must not only let them know who I am and what I am about but I also must let them know the part they play in my story.

H: Yes, and those who are worthy to be part of your story are the ones who will love you. You will know them when you find them.

C: How will I know them?

Chapter 5: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

H: You will know your true friends by their actions. The things they do for you simply because they care about you. You will know who they are because they stuck by you.

C: Yes, I can think of a few of them. They do things to show they care. My mother, my dance teacher, the one who took me to my doctors appointments and surgery, my friend who stayed the night in the emergency room that one time, my co-host of the Celibate Vegan Voices podcast, my friend who keeps buying me video games to enjoy even though he is depressed and talks of suicide, and the Black Rose, who made the special CD of music she knew I loved and who I talked to about my problems even though we knew each other such a short time in the health market. These people have done many things for me even though none of it was what I expected nor did I even ask.

H: Exactly. There are those who love you and even though they may not yet understand everything about you, it will all be made clear by actions sooner or later. And by your actions you have also said much to them by what you do for them. Honesty is not merely saying the right words. Your actions must be true to your words.

C: I see now. My actions have said a lot to others. The things I have done for them as well as the things I do, even though they may disagree with them.

H: You tell your story every day by every thing you do, as well as those things which you do not do. You can write and tell others your story but for the people who have already met you, they know all they need to know because you treat others as you want them to treat you.

C: Yes, I think I know the actions as well as the words now. I know what I must do. But I’m not sure that is enough.

H: Why isn’t it enough?

C: Because a person may even do right actions but for the wrong reasons. How can I trust the actions of others, or even trust my own actions?

Chapter 6: For Good Reason

H: Even when people do good things for you that show you they love you, you still don’t trust them because you think they may pretend to be your friend for the wrong reason. Does that sound accurate?

C: Yes, people often do things for selfish reasons such as only making money or to trick people into having sex with them or trying to convert them to their religion. I don’t know who does things for good or bad reasons because people are horribly deceptive. But my concern is much more than that. It’s about knowing whether what I do is for the right reason. Do I really care about others? Do I do the things I do for the right reasons?

H: How would you know the value of your reasons for doing what you do? What standard do you use?

C: For all my ethical decisions, I have used the golden rule. I think about what I would want if I was in someone else’s situation and try to either help them, if able, or at least not make their problem worse.

H: What about non-ethical decisions. Things that affect you and nobody else?

C: I have never bothered thinking about it because those decisions never can cause a problem. My decision on what I wear, eat, or even having my testicles removed affects no one else and so I don’t need to worry about the reasons.

H: Yes, of course, but obviously you have reasons for all these things you do. Perhaps it’s better to start with a decision which you are not as emotionally bothered by. For example, how do you decide on what computer program to write next?

C: I usually have an idea that pops into my head and then I see if I have the knowledge of which functions can achieve the result I’m looking for. If I don’t know, I usually reference the online tutorials or books I bought.

H: A great example. It’s something you can start working on when you feel like it and you don’t agonize over the decision, worrying about whether or not it’s the right thing.

C: Yes, because it’s outside of the realm of being right or wrong. It’s art, creativity, beauty. There can be no wrong with such things.

H: If someone decides that somehow you were morally wrong for sharing your digital art, how would you respond?

C: That’s ridiculous. Nobody would say such a thing and even if they did I would ignore something so dumb. But what are these questions about and what is the point of this?

H: I’ll explain. This teaches us two things. First, that there are things you can do without needing to stop and think about it. You also don’t care about other’s opinions about things that only concern you and do not hurt anybody. Now let’s see if we can apply it to something else, much more personal and emotionally disturbing. What is it that makes you still pro-life about abortion even though you have faced much criticism for not joining the rest of the world in saying that abortion should be legal or that anyone who is against abortion hates women?

C: Because the opinions of others and their tricks to emotionally manipulate me into their way of thinking have no effect on me because I still see abortion as a form of baby murder. They really don’t stand a chance at changing my mind on that topic and I often wonder why people even bothered me about it to begin with.

H: How did you first become aware of the abortion issue and start writing about it?

C: It was a political ad that was against Todd Akin. It was saying that he was a bad guy because he wouldn’t “give women a choice”. In fact it was so confusing and unclear what it was talking about that I had to go on the internet and read everything I could about Todd Akin. I found out that he didn’t think abortion was acceptable even in the case of rape. That it would be better to punish the rapist than attack the child. I agreed with his reasoning. I never understood how men can go around raping women but then society decides that the child must die because their father was a rapist. I also didn’t appreciate that most pro-choice people come up with political campaigns trying to say specifically that people should not vote for pro-life people because pro-life people who want any legal restrictions on abortion are somehow bad people because they don’t want babies killed.

H: Well said. Is there anything at all that would change your mind about abortion? Is there any circumstance in which someone would have a good enough “reason” to kill an innocent child in the womb?

C: No, no reason can change the fact of what it is. A good reason does not justify a bad action.

H: Then let me ask you this: can a bad reason unjustify a good action?

C: No.

H: Then perhaps you should look at the actions which you and others do instead of trying to guess whether the reasons are good enough. Trust me, you don’t have the time for that and it will limit what you can do.

C: I see what you mean. I have actual evidence of what is actually done in the world. I have no evidence of what goes on in other’s minds.

H: That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I say, enjoy the good things that happen even though there will be times when people do them for selfish reasons. For example, consider people who don’t care about the suffering of animals and will not go vegan for the reason of not hurting or killing animals but later start following a vegan diet, not because they suddenly started caring about what is happening to the animals but because they want to be healthier and have heard that it’s a healthy way to eat. Their reasons for it may be selfish because they have shown that they care only about themselves but the effect it has for the animals is still good because it means less money paid to the farmers who exploit and murder them just for profit. Good can come out of things even when the reasons are not what you prefer.

Chapter 7: The Reason Behind the Reasons

C: Honesty, are you saying that the reasons don’t matter at all and that it only matters what is actually being done?

H: No, I never said that. The reasons matter greatly. However, they have no relevance in whether an action is right or wrong.

C: Then how do they matter?

H: They matter because you can learn a lot about yourself by looking at the reasons you act as you do. You have a gift because you always know exactly why you do what you do, and you go so far as to tell everyone why you do the things you do.

C: Yes, I can always give an answer for exactly what I did and why I did it.

H: That’s why I would like to ask you some questions that you must answer. After we are done, I will explain why this exercise was done and why it’s so important.

C: Bring it on!

H: Why did you explain all your reasons why you wanted your testicles removed?

C: Because the only way to have it done was to convince a doctor that my reasons were good enough so that they would do the surgery. Additionally, if I didn’t find an acceptable reason for my health insurance, they might not have been willing to pay for it.

H: Of course. You answered truthfully as always, but the reason for telling anyone anything was to please them and talk them into doing what you wanted. Why did you tell people who you voted for in the 2020 election.

C: Because I wanted them to know that all the millions of times they told me to vote for a different candidate and all the many advertisements I got in my email had no effect. That I had reasons for who I voted for that had nothing to do with the things they were trying to push on me.

H: Yes, very good. It showed that people think that they know you and what motivates you, but they obviously don’t. What would you be doing if there were no other people to say anything to about anything.

C: If there were no other people, I would not be writing my books or recording my videos explaining things to them.

H: Yes, and after that, what would you be doing?

C: I suppose I would fulfill my dream of being a farmer and grow all my own food. There would be no one to stop me. I would own all the land on the planet and there would be no one trying to force a vaccine on me or threatening to take away my job. No one to please except myself. I would do what I wanted without having to give a reason to anyone because no one would ask me for a reason!

H: What makes you so sure that you have to give a reason to anyone even now?

C: Because I constantly have to give people reasons they will accept to make them leave me alone.

H: Have people ever stopped criticizing you for how you live and what you do because you gave them enough reasons?

C: No

H: Then maybe it’s time to stop wasting time giving people reasons they will not accept. Maybe they need not be concerned with what you do and why you do it.

Chapter 8: The Knowledge of Good and Evil

C: Honesty, we have talked about the importance of doing the right thing and learning from the reasons that we act as we do, but how do I know for sure which is the right thing to do when it is not always clear?

H: Can you give an example of a time when it was unclear what you should do about something?

C: Yes, I remember very clearly the time when I was deciding whether or not I should try joining the Navy. The recruiter gave me his phone number and I was thinking about it.

H: And what made you decide to do it?

C: Because there were no other job options available to me. I wasn’t thrilled about joining the military and it wasn’t planned out very well but since I had applied everywhere I could walk to and nobody would even interview me, I thought I could join the Navy, get some experience during that time, and then people from other jobs would be impressed with me because I was aware that people have an unhealthy respect for people in the military. I would be able to get future jobs if they knew me as the person who was in the Navy rather than just a person who was home-schooled and had no proof of education so people thought I was either too uneducated or stupid to work a job.

H: So you mean to say that had there been another job you were hired for, you would not have joined the military?

C: Yes, because I did not really want to do it and at the time I believed that it was part of God’s plan. You see I believed in God back then and prayed a lot about what I should do with my life.

H: And did you ever get an answer to your prayers?

C: No, I did not, but what I felt at the time was that even though God did not speak to me, perhaps meeting the Navy recruiter at IHOP was a sign that I was supposed to follow.

H: And what do you think about it now?

C: I think that I was a desperate soul who tried to do something with my life and I did not care what. I wanted to work some kind of job and do something with my life, but what I did when I joined the Navy was wrong.

H: Why do you think it was wrong for you to join the Navy?

C: Because I was not being honest with myself. Joining the military is not something that I would ever have done if I felt I had a choice in the matter because its purpose is to train soldiers to kill people in war. It was not the pro-life thing to do and I did it for the money and only as a stepping stone to a better job. Therefore I did wrong by sacrificing my ethics and on top of it, I was doing something that I didn’t want to do. It was neither good nor did it bring me happiness.

H: So you’re telling me that you see this as a time when you did something even though you knew it was wrong? What was it that made you so sure that it’s wrong? Who told you?

C: No one needed to tell me. I alone knew my situation and also my reasons. I do not believe that I joined the Navy for the right reasons and I’m not even sure if there is such a thing as a good reason to join an organization designed for killing. I might as well have worked for the National Rifle Association, Planned Parenthood, or a factory farm.

H: Chastity, I am very glad you brought this up. I think it tells a lot about your honesty because not too many people admit it when they have done wrong. But I look at your situation differently than you do. I don’t see it as wrong because wrong implies that there is actually a right thing to do instead. So tell me, what should you have done back then?

C: I really don’t know. The alternative would be giving up and never trying to work a job. I was out of options and had lost all the fight left in me because I had no confidence in myself enough to believe I could live as an independent adult and work a job and earn my own money. If I didn’t believe it, how could I convince someone else? But what about you Honesty? What do YOU think I should have done?

H: I think that you did what you needed to do at the time. You volunteered at church trying to serve others. You did your best to take care of your mom, and you were a person who wanted to serve others and to work a job and have your own money and pursue your happiness. There is nothing wrong with that.

C: Yes, but are you saying joining the Navy was the right thing for me to do?

H: No, but it could have been no other way. You would have gone for the first job that gave you a chance. it just happened to be the Navy recruiter who talked you into joining the Navy. Sure the military may be wrong, but in this case you did the right thing, not because of what you did but because you did not give up and tried to make something of your life. Most people never even do that. I have confidence that you would have found something else even if it had not been the Navy. I’m very sad that it turned out the way it did but I think you are brave and I’m proud of you.

C: So even though I did the wrong thing, I did the right thing because I took a risk and tried something that had the tiniest chance to lead to a better future.

H: Yes, and trust me, there will be other times when you will have to make decisions that are less than good. Though the military exists for evil, but you will use what you learned during that time for good. You learned that the Navy was not your path, but you will find your path soon.

Chapter 9: The Path of The True Soul

C: You said I will find my path soon but what are you talking about? Is there more for me to do?

H: There is always more to do, but this is something I cannot tell you. You must learn for yourself what it is that you alone can do.

C: But you know something, don’t you?

H: Yes, remember that prophecy that you would have a ministry with all kinds of computers and media?

C: Wait, you mean that guy from Africa? I remember him praying blessings over people and telling people about their future and what God has for them. But that’s rubbish isn’t it? After all you know I don’t believe in God anymore and besides that, why would this guy be able to hear from God information about me that God would not tell me. I never heard from God about anything I asked nor did I ever get any answer about why he did not stop the sexual abuse from being done to me or why I had not been born a girl? Why would some random guy from Africa know something about me that I don’t. I thought he was just making shit up.

H: But look at where you came from and look where you are now. Look at the things you have done. You have published many books and written hundreds of blog posts and recorded hundreds of videos and podcasts with people from all over the world. You have learned more about computer software in the past 8 years since you bought your laptop in 2012 and learned computer programming and digital art. You have done so much with your gift and you have potential to help many people.

C: My gift?

H: Yes, you are gifted. You have a way of understanding machines that most people who have taken computer science courses don’t learn. You have spent hours learning how to prepare documents for book publishing, make small websites, use your WordPress blog and social media, and you even know enough about computer programming to create animations of spinning polygons and cheat at video games by editing the relevant bytes of save files. You learned how to use cell phones entirely from experimenting even though you did not grow up with them, and you learned the computer related tasks at your job so fast that even your supervisor was surprised. Don’t you think that with you talent and pure heart that you could do great good in the world and have already helped people?

C: Yes I have done a lot and I love my computer skills. I just often don’t feel like I’m making a difference. But are you saying that God really did give that man knowledge about what I would do with computers in the future? How is that possible? How can anyone, even God, assuming he/she/it existed, know the future of what is going to happen?

H: Here is an example: the digital art you designed and the animations you created and put on your website. Where were they before you wrote the code or built them in Inkscape?

C: I could see them in my mind. I knew what they looked like since as far back as I can remember. But no one else could see them until I designed them on the computer.

H: You could see them before others. You saw them not with your eyes but with something else. You saw the shapes with your soul. They did not exist in the physical world others see but they come from this dream world, the world of your true being. You can call it mind, soul, spirit, life force, or perhaps your software.

C: So you are saying that there is a part of me that does not come from my body? How can I know this is true?

H: Ah but you do know. You’ve said it before in different ways but you have forgotten. Remember what you said about your female soul? Remember how you messaged four friends on Facebook and sent them a huge long message about how you came to realize that although your body is male, you have a female soul and you told them about your new name, Chastity.

C: Yes, I didn’t know of another way to say it and I thought they would understand what I meant, although one of them had a nervous breakdown after that and probably still doesn’t understand.

H: When you talked about your soul or spirit in that message, what were you referring to?

C: I meant my true self. I knew that something was different about me in more than one way, and yet it was not something someone would know by looking at my body.

H: Exactly. That is one thing that you have known for a long time, that the body someone lives in is not the real them. People with a different gender identity or sexual orientation are definitely people who know first hand that they are not one with their body. They are expected to act like cisgender heterosexuals but when they do not, they are discriminated against, even killed sometimes for being different, and it’s not what they do that they are punished for but it’s a matter of them being different. People can see that others are different but instead of learning about the differences, they wish to eliminate those who are different because it makes them uncomfortable.

C: I see. This leads to the idea that we are not our bodies. This idea makes sense to me but I still don’t know what to think about this. I assumed that everything we say, think, feel, and do could be explained by biology.

H: And just what is biology?

C: The study of life.

H: And that’s what we are doing right now, Chastity. We are studying your life! No one can truly know you except yourself. No one else is you and a doctor and scientist may be able to tell you about your body just with a blood or urine sample but they can’t know about the things we have talked about for the past few years. You know about the life force but you have not fully had the language to express it. For example, you went vegan as soon as you saw the soul of the animals. You, yourself, have said hundreds of times that you saw that those animals shared the same life force, that they were living beings like you.

C: Yes, I see it now. Humans see a body of a pig, cow, or chicken and think it is food. If you put that same soul from a pig and put it into a dog, people in America would think it was a pet and not eat it.

H: Exactly. People are fooled by the outward appearance but you see the heart. It’s all part of the same thing. People decide who lives or dies or who is free or a slave based on sex, race, or species. But those who have learned what you have do not treat someone badly based on the look of their body.

C: Yes, this makes sense. I can see the soul of myself as well as others, but what does this have to do with my geometric shapes or the prophecy of the missionary from Africa that told me I would have a ministry?

H: It’s really very simple, Chastity. Just as you saw the shapes in your soul before your eyes saw them on the computer screen or on the ink in your art books, he saw your soul and could see things that even your eyes could not see yet. This is actually more common than you think but it’s not a power under human control. Some could even call it supernatural.

C: Are you telling me you believe in the supernatural?

H: You’re talking to a white horse with a silver horn named Honesty in a field full of flowers and watermelons. So tell me, what do YOU believe?

Chapter 10: I Want to Believe

C: I do not know what to think about the things you have told me, Honesty. You have told me some things that are unbelievable but I want to believe.

H: What is it you want to believe?

C: I want to believe that my heart will go on. I know that I am more than just this frail human body, but I know not how I know it. And I have questions that I know you cannot answer, for after all you are still only a dream. I have enjoyed our time together but since you are an invention of my own mind, how can I know that you’re telling me the truth. Sure, you’re name is Honesty but how do I know that what you are saying applies to the real world and is not just a fantasy that only exists in my dreams?

H: Do you exist in the real world?

C: Of course I do. I live my own life every day.

H: And I am part of you, so what does that say about my existence.

C: Well, of course, you’re here talking to me right now, but this is still only a fantasy, isn’t it? How can I know that what we say to each other is the truth or even that you’re only here because I was so lonely that I had to invent a friend I could talk to. This is only a dream.

H: And how do you know it’s a dream?

C: Because when I wake up I am in the physical world. Everything is different and it’s not even close to this place.

H: But what if you never woke up? What if this world IS the real world and the world you call the real world is nothing more than a nightmare. Moreover, what if you are in what you call the real world but then someday you wake up only to find yourself here or somewhere you’ve never even been? You think you know reality but you don’t. Sure you can’t prove this dream world full of roses, watermelons, cashew trees, and a talking unicorn exists to others in what you call the real world, but can you prove to me that this is not the real world?

C: No, now that I think about it, I can know what I’ve experienced but I cannot transfer this experience to someone else. I don’t think anyone will believe me that I met a talking horse who talked with me about my life history and emotional problems.

H: But you want them to believe you, don’t you?

C: Yes.

H: Tell me then, why would you want them to believe something unless you believed it yourself?

C: You’re right, Honesty. I didn’t see it before but I do now. I believe. I believe that you are the Horse of Truth and that I’ve heard the Truth straight from the Horse’s mouth. But I still have so many questions that remain unanswered and I don’t know exactly how all this came to be and how I learned so much in such a short time.

H: Why do you need to have all your questions answered right now?

C: Because I’m still afraid. I’m afraid that all will be gone after I die and there will be no more learning, no more experience, and no more dreams. I have to know that I still will have time to know the answers. If I could know for sure that my soul will survive even the death of my body, then I would know that I have all eternity for the answers to my questions. But you told me once that unicorns never die. What did you mean and how can I know this for myself even when I do not see you?

H: While it’s true that I cannot provide all the answers to your questions, I will answer your question about why I said unicorns never die. You see unicorns are not merely horses with horns. If that’s all we were nobody would tell stories of unicorns or dream of them. No, it is what a unicorn represents. It is the soul of the unicorn that people care about and not simply the physical form that people draw in children’s books. It is our moral virtues such as chastity, honesty, modesty, peace, generosity, bravery, kindness, loyalty, innocence, patience, and any other words you can think of that mean good things. Because these things are eternal they can never die.

C: So what you’re saying is that the essence of what I am cannot die because it does not depend on a particular physical form.

H: Yes, and all the parts that make up your soul existed before your body just as the parts that form your body also existed long before your body existed. So nothing ends because nothing begins. We are all elements of life and the universe. You are the element of Chastity just as I am the element of Honesty. We ARE eternal and I can promise you one thing for sure, even if your body dies, we will meet again and you will know me when you see me whether I take the form of a horse, gorilla, goat, or even another human.

C: Something doesn’t add up. When I asked you two years ago who you were you said that you were a part of me, like my subconscious or something like that. Now you’re telling me that we are like eternal spiritual virtual things that have no beginning or end. So how exactly does this all fit together?

H: Of course I’m still you, but your idea of what you are has held you back from fully understanding the truth about yourself and by extension the truth about me. I know it doesn’t all make sense right now and perhaps it won’t as long as you’re trapped in your human body, but you are where you need to be right now. Remember there was no real beginning to you and therefore no beginning to me. I existed before you met me the first time in the dream but you lacked the understanding required to overcome your pain and traumatic past. There are some pretty serious lies that you’ve been believing but it’s impossible for someone who has not seen the truth to detect a lie.

C: What lies?

H: Well for starters, you believe that you never should have existed and that your birth was only a meaningless result of the fact that your parents had sex and that it would have been better for your mother if she had never met your father.

C: Yes, of course I believe that, but since you’re part of me you must also believe the same. Are you saying that you disagree somehow?

H: Of course I agree with you, but the fact is that things happened the way they did and just like your experience with the Navy, sometimes good things happen even from bad actions. Of course I wish that things could have been very different just as much as you do, but I will say this, if you really believed that you did not belong here, then why are you trying so hard to always live the best life you can and do the right things and speak the truth? If you were not meant to exist, then why are you so excellent?

C: Because I believe that if I work hard enough, I can undo much of the damage others have done. My existence is the opposite force of the evils done to my mother and to the animals. I have gone through much pain but maybe what I do will result in less pain for others.

H: Yes, you see you are right that it would be better if some things had not happened in the past, but with things being what they are, who better than you to help heal your mother, the animals, and the other survivors of sexual abuse. A lot of meaningless things happen but you are not meaningless. You belong here, Chastity.

Chapter 11: No Greater Time

C: You’re right, Honesty. I do belong here. I have done so much and maybe the world really is better off for having me in it.

H: Yes, but don’t miss this one important thing. It’s not so much the things you have done that matters but who you are that counts.

C: But I thought it was what I did that matters.

H: No you’ve got it backwards. What you do flows from who you are. You will make mistakes sometimes but because you have a pure heart you will always seek to do what is right because it’s what you want and not something that someone else told you to do.

C: I still have many questions about the things you said. I wish I could know the full truth about the soul and eternity. I’d like to know what happens when I die.

H: You are overly obsessed with death. Is there some reason you want to know so badly about these things?

C: Yes, you see I wish I could relate to others of different beliefs than me, but because of the difference when it comes to matters of religion, I feel a disconnect with others. If I knew what the truth was about the afterlife or the existence of gods, angels, demons, and the nature of being, maybe I could get along with others that I currently can’t. Maybe I could even get the Christians to see that the other animals are one with us and they would be Vegan too.

H: No, it doesn’t work that way. You see the problem is not that people have different beliefs. It’s that they place too much priority on belief. It’s about being, not believing or doing. Believing the correct religion doesn’t change who you are nor does following a checklist of all the right things to do. You’ll only hurt yourself if you try to change your beliefs just to relate to others because you wish you were not so different. Your difference is your strength. Show others that even though your beliefs are different and your experiences are nothing like theirs that you still can go on and do the right thing. Be yourself and everything else will fall into place.

C: Yes, still I wish I could change others so that they followed the golden rule. Almost every form of murder and injustice comes from people hating others for being of a different color, sex, species, religion, sexual orientation, or disability. Most often they justify their actions with their religion especially when it comes to their treatment of women or non human animals.

H: If even Jesus can’t convince most people who claim to be his followers to follow the golden rule, then you don’t stand a chance. They have all the information they need. If they ever read Matthew 7:12 or Luke 6:31 and applied to their lives the whole world would be very different. But there is actually something I would like to remind you of in Matthew Chapter 7:21–23.

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Matthew 7:21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

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C: Yes I have read that a long time ago, but what does it mean?

H: I think you know the answer if you search inside yourself. When you read that when you were a little kid in church, what did it mean to you back then.

C: Back then I thought maybe Jesus meant that simply saying the right words and doing a bunch of things in the name of Jesus was not what he wanted.

H: And what about the part where he said they practice lawlessness? In verse 12 he said:

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12 Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

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So you see, the law was doing to others as you would have done to you. It had nothing to do with saying a bunch of religious words or doing good works or miracles. Even though some of them may do good works, they do it to prove how good they are or to earn a reward. Jesus calls them lawless because they did not love their neighbor as themselves and they did not treat others the way they would want to be treated.

C: I guess that makes sense, but what does it have to do with my life now. Why does anything Jesus said matter to me?

H: Because at such a time as this, when the world is in great trouble, it will become very obvious what you are made of and what others are made of. Some are like the man who built his house on the sand and others like you build your house on the rock.

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Matthew 7:24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

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C: I see that we are still discussing Matthew chapter 7. But why am I like the man who built his house on the rock?

H: Because while others claim to believe the bible and follow the words of Jesus, they do not do what he said. You, on the other hand, do not even believe Jesus existed, yet you followed the golden rule and ended up being a better Christian even though you wouldn’t dare call yourself that. It’s really funny when you think about it. Because you followed the words because you believed it was right, rather than because Jesus said it or because it happened to be in the bible, you had a firm foundation for what you did.

C: I guess I never knew how much of an influence the book of Matthew was on my life. What a comical accident.

H: Hardly an accident, after all in every church you were in the pastor told people to read their bible. You actually read it rather than listening to the nonsense the pastor was preaching that was not in the bible anyway.

C: You’ve hit me with a lot of information very quickly, but I still don’t understand what all of this has to do with my life.

H: You won’t understand it right now but very soon you will. You see things are not the same as they were when you were a kid. It was a different time then. It was easy for people who had built their house on the sand for awhile. However as soon as the storm came everything turned to mush. It doesn’t matter whether Jesus spoke those words or if anything in the bible is true or not. What became apparent is that people had to live with the consequences of what they had done and without a strong foundation for belief, they had no foundation for their action. A lot of people don’t know what they believe or what they are doing, but you are the one who admitted it. You were honest and did not pretend to believe in God, Jesus, or the Bible. Others said they did just so they could remain popular.

C: I see. Truth is the only foundation worth building anything on.

H: Yes, and once you have truth, you can work the rest out. But you are Chastity, the guardian of Purity. You care greatly about being pure in thought, word, and action. You try to make your beliefs, words, and actions consistent with who you are and you are quick to find any contradictions and resolve them. I simply helped speed up the process by asking you the right questions. I am the guardian of Truth and the truth comes only to those who seek the truth by asking questions.

C: I think I understand now what you’ve been trying to tell me the whole time since we met. It is at this difficult time in life when each one of us will find out how strong we are. Do we have the strength to do our best even when people are dying all around us. There is no greater time to find out who we are and to follow the golden rule. People are suffering during 2020 more than any time I can remember in my lifetime and many are in need of help because they are losing their loved ones, their jobs, and are so depressed that many commit suicide.

H: And you almost committed suicide didn’t you?

C: Yes, I came very close. I had everything planned, too. But then things changed. I had a knife picked out and it was going to be escape from the pain. But then I was able to get my surgery and I was no longer in pain and for the first time, I felt like I could go on.

H: You have been given another chance at life, now go and do what you must do. I know you will give hope to others as you already have to your mother. Remember hindsight is 20/20! In the future you will look back on the year 2020 as you now look back at all your other past experiences and see the difference you have made. Tell others your story and remember to always be yourself. Do you have any more questions?

C: No, I think I know everything that I need to know at this time.

H: Before you leave this dream, I would like to remind you of one more bible verse.

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Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

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And it was then that Chastity woke from the dream and thought about these things she and Honesty had talked about.

C: I am Chastity White Rose, the guardian of Purity. I met a Horse named Honesty, the guardian of truth. Unicorns never die…no beginning or end…the golden rule is the law and the prophets…the man who built his house on the rock…my female soul, the world of my true being…I belong here…the pure in heart shall see God.

Wait a minute…WHAT THE HORSE!?

This post is part 3 of my Unicorn story published as a book.

The full paperback book contains parts 1–3. It is available on Amazon.
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B08T4DGJL1

And an ebook is available on Smashwords.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1064601